CELLULOID SCREAMS 2015: DAY THREE

Two days down, one to go. Did the third and final day of feature films at Celluloid Screams 2015 deliver the gory, glorious, giallo-rific goods? Read on...


EMELIE

Day Three began with Michael Thelin's "bad babysitter" movie starring Sarah Bolger as perhaps the last person you'd want to leave in charge of your kids (although, of course, the parents have no idea what's about to go down at the beginning of the movie). What starts as an adventure for the children at being told the usual boundaries don't apply soon spirals into something rather more sinister and after a chilling bit of business involving a family pet we're left wondering exactly how unhinged Bolger's character is and how she came to be that way.

While this is not going to win any points in terms of breathtaking originality it's eminently watchable, entertaining fare with good performances from not only Bolger herself but the child actors in the cast, notably Joshua Rush as Jacob, the oldest of the kids and the one who realises that it may be up to him to save the day. It also scores points in taking a scenario that could have been an excuse for a tedious succession of contrived jump scares and instead playing up the unsettling atmosphere.

SCARED SAFE

Beginning with a familiar looking countdown which graced a whole era of ITV's Schools and Colleges programming (as you can see above), Scared Safe was a collection of vintage Public Information Films curated by the Celluloid Screams team themselves. Somehow grim and shamefully funny at the same time, we were treated to such highlights as the cover-your-eyes (and ears) 70s stylings of Never Go With Strangers, complete with its game of "spot the paedophile" as various archetypes of the era were shown sitting on a park bench one after the other, including one bloke who seemed to have stolen some of the wardrobe from one of the pimp characters in a Pam Grier movie. The conclusion from this one: some people are "odd in the head". Their words, not mine.

Elsewhere, several Protect and Survive films showed just how easy it is to survive a nuclear blast with the correct preparation and dished out several handy hints on what to do with dead bodies in your fallout shelter. The compilation also featured The Finishing Line, a British Transport movie showing the dangers of playing near railway lines by means of a school sports day where the events were running across the line, walking through tunnels etc. It ended with an enormous body count and the sight of youthful corpses being lined up. You'd never get away with re-making that today.

In addition, there were electrocutions, people coming to grief on polished floors, prams falling over in a Edvard Munch-style tableau and my personal favourite The Spirit Of Dark And Lonely Water, luring unsuspecting kids to a ghastly aquatic death and promising that he'd be "back-ack-ack-ack-ack....". As if this wasn't enough, to the delight of much of the audience, a certain "scary picture" from the brilliant Look Around You (and also the hilarious Serafinowicz/Popper short Intermission) made an unexpected appearance. You know the one:

THE CORPSE OF ANNA FRITZ

Predicted to be the Celluloid Screams screening that would see the most walkouts, this Spanish movie sets out its stall within the first few minutes - famous actress and media darling Anna Fritz (Alba Ribas) dies and is brought into the morgue where hospital orderly Pau (Albert Carbó) works. Pau's mates Ivan (Cristin Valencia) and Javi (Bernatt Samuel) convince him to allow them into the morgue where they can - let's be honest - ogle a dead celebrity. Here things take a pretty revolting turn as Ivan and Pau decide that this is an opportunity to have sex with one of the most well-known people on the planet. Well, you know, it's a horror movie...

...and this is the point at which the urge to leave the cinema was at its strongest, director Hèctor Hernández Vicens giving us a button-pushing, almost unwatchably vile opening act, its effect only slightly diminished by the clean, glossy cinematography which puts a tiny but crucial amount of distance between the audience and what's happening on the screen. It's still bloody difficult to watch though, be warned.

From here the plot takes an unexpected turn and TCOAF moves into more conventional suspense thriller territory, which should provide relief for most of its viewers (unless you were expecting it to riff on something like Nekromantik, in which case I'll tell you right now - it doesn't). Although the characters slot into particular archetypes of the horror/thriller the performances serve the story in an efficient way and Hèctor Hernández Vicens wrings every last drop of suspense out of its limited plot and locations. In the final analysis, this movie isn't what it could have been given its subject matter - whether that's a good or bad thing is up to you.

DEATHGASM

After the grim goings-on of Anna Fritz, some light relief was needed and Jason Lei Howden's Deathgasm was just the ticket. Downtrodden heavy metal fan Brodie (Milo Cawthorne) discovers a piece of music called The Black Hymn which could give him the power to solve his problems and succeed in his romantic aspirations regarding the lovely Medina (Kimberley Crossman). What he doesn't count on is the Hymn turning most of the inhabitants of his small town into demons, which he must then battle using the power of metal - and anything else that's handy as a weapon.

With its playful skewering of heavy rock culture, a clutch of smart one-liners and with classic gorefests such as Evil Dead and Braindead as its template, Deathgasm is a lot of fun and the running time is short enough to ensure that it doesn't outstay its welcome. Yes, the odd gag is somewhat laboured (did we have to see a slow-motion dildo attack so many times?) but the splattery set-pieces are mounted with so much glee that it seems churlish to be too negative. Deathgasm may not linger too long in the memory but it's an enjoyable, gruesome romp that wears his heart (and influences) on its bloody sleeve.

Death to false metal!

PROFONDO ROSSO

And so to the final movie of the festival, a screening of Dario Argento's classic 1975 giallo starring David Hemmings as Marc, a pianist who witnesses a murder and then resolves to find the killer with the help of sassy journalist Gianna, played by Daria Nicolodi. I'll fess up here, I'm totally in love with Daria Nicolodi in this movie, I love the bizarre plot, I love the prowling camerawork, I love the striking set-piece killings. I even love the running gag about Gianna's beat-up Fiat 500. How could this movie get any better?

By having Claudio Simonetti's Goblin in the cinema, performing a live rescore of the music, that's how. The wall of sound that pushed itself to the back of the cinema as the main theme music kicked in was nothing short of astounding and as an enhanced Argento-viewing experience I can't see how it could be beaten. How could the end of the festival get any better?

By having Goblin then play a set which began with the opening title music from Demons - which is one of my all-time favourites and turned me into a gibbering fanboy hearing it played live - and then gave us choice cuts from Dawn Of The Dead, Suspiria, Tenebrae and Phenomena. It was a phenomenal end to an amazing three days of mayhem and madness.

A massive thank you to Robert Nevitt (Festival Director), Polly Allen (Festival Programmer), Sarah Williamson (Festival Programmer) and all of the volunteers who make Celluloid Screams such a joy to keep coming back to year after year. If you haven't experienced this amazing weekend for yourself, Celluloid Screams will be back in 2016. Keep Friday 21st October to Sunday 23rd October free and be ready to get your tickets. Oh, and you'll need the Monday off as well. That's all I'm saying.


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