BURNT

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Sienna Miller, Daniel Brühl
Writer: Steven Knight
Director: John Wells

*** WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS ***

Adam Jones (Cooper) is a chef who had it, lost it (thanks to a drug- and alcohol-fuelled lifestyle) and now wants it all over again, his goals being in charge of his own world-class kitchen and gaining a coveted third Michelin star. Trouble is, who's going to take a chance on him given his chequered past? Well, obviously someone is or there wouldn't be much of a movie.

Movies with anti-heroes as their main focus can work incredibly well. Imagine Escape From New York with a white knight sent in to rescue the President. Wouldn't have been a tenth as good. Personally, I don't have to love a character to be invested in them as long as they're interesting and a little unpredictable. Unfortunately, Burnt serves up an arrogant, shouty dick whose spends most of the movie being arrogant, shouty and a dick and....er... that's about it.

Even an actor of Bradley Cooper's considerable charisma couldn't make me give a toss about Adam Jones. The script makes several plays for sympathy by mentioning his troubled upbringing, how his quest for perfection is bound to rub people the wrong way blah blah blah. No, he's a monumental arse who treats people like dirt and the frequent references to the ways he's trying to make amends seem hollow when he behaves like a petulant kid to all and sundry.

He's a monumental arse to long-suffering friend Tony (Brühl, looking permanently constipated). He's a monumental arse to talented, caring sous chef Helene (Miller). He's a monumental arse to rival chef and pantomime bad guy Reece (Matthew Rhys) who, by the way, is a monumental arse himself and given to the same plate-smashing hissy fits indulged in by Adam Jones several times over the course of the film. Jones cares about the dining experience, you see, and if it isn't out of this world then plates have to be broken to show how torturous their culinary quest is. Come to my place of work and see how many PCs I break in one day. We artists are so misunderstood.

It's not as if everything about this movie fails to deliver. The food itself, created by ace chef Marcus Wareing, looks stunningly beautiful and mouthwateringly delicious. I was going to say the same about Sienna Miller but her character is a stressed-out single mother so the film makers have made her a tiny bit dowdy (but big-screen dowdy, they haven't turned her into Quasimodo). Still, it's her performance that's worth noting here and she's certainly the best thing about Burnt. Of late, Ms Miller's turned in some sterling work, she continues to grow in stature as an actress and I'm sure she'll go on to shine in movies which are many times better than this.

Elsewhere, the prep sequences in the kitchen are fairly interesting even if, arguably, there are too many of them. The shots of London - especially those at night - give the city an attractive, vibrant look. Okay, I'm running out of positives now...

I find it genuinely frustrating when there's obviously a huge amount of talent on both sides of the camera and the result is something as predictable and plodding as Burnt. I mean, look at the cast, it's chock-full of people I like to watch, people who have carried other movies effortlessly, people given zero to do here.

Alicia Vikander, amazing in Ex Machina, shows up an as ex of Adam's to absolutely no effect whatsoever. Yes, the sudden appearance of the old girlfriend is a well-worn dramatic device but it could have worked here quite well. Instead, poor old Alicia is used to a) get Miller's character to flounce off for a couple of minutes and b) conveniently tie up a plot thread. Why does Miller's character flounce off? Well, she's kind of got a thing for Adam Jones, even though he's a bit of a tool. Twist or what?

Emma Thompson gives quirky support as a doctor assigned to conduct regular blood tests on Adam in order to make sure he's still clean. I looked forward to an entertaining clash of perspectives between her medical professionalism and her client's total disregard for authority but their sequences together are brief, dull and forgettable. Her dialogue doesn't even point up her quirkiness so the movie tells you she's a bit different by having her wear dresses with wacky patterns on them. This is a movie where lots of things are POINTED OUT TO YOU. JUST. IN. CASE. YOU'RE. NOT. GETTING. IT.

Oh, and Uma Thurman's in it too but don't be tempted to pop to the loo when she appears because she'll have disappeared from the proceedings by the time you get back. Here, Uma dusts off the English accent, spits a couple of waspish lines at Cooper, turns up at Brühl's joint for lunch and then promptly vanishes from the story. I was kind of hoping that she'd come back in a yellow jump suit and take out Adam Jones with her Hattori Hanzo sword but no, Jones is left generally unharmed and gets to be a miserable, unlikeable git for the rest of the movie. Even the drug dealers to whom he owes money don't do too much damage to him because, as Brühl mentions, well, they just wouldn't. Huh?

To be fair the script does provide a couple of zingers but much of it is unintentionally hilarious and there are some glaring inconsistencies in the behaviour of some characters which are difficult to ignore. There's one particular line delivered by Jones' nemesis Reece towards the end that is both utterly ridiculous and requires him to do a swift, brief, thoroughly unconvincing 180 in terms of attitude but it's there only to service the plot so that's what he says. Plausibility's overrated anyway.

If you're expecting Burnt to provide you with a feast then you're likely to be disappointed with the reheated leftovers you're given. It could have been a tasty, spicy treat but it's bland and ultimately unsatisfying. I'll stop with the foodie descriptions now.




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