WHAT WE BECOME
Oh, of course that doesn't happen, it all goes properly tits up and the residents of the neighbourhood are plunged into an increasingly desperate fight for survival. Will anyone make it out? Do you think I'm going to give that away here?
Despite the fact that there's nothing much in here you won't have seen before this is still an effective take on all of those familiar zombie/infected tropes. It's well-written, it builds nicely and features a bunch of characters it's easy to care about.
There's also a pleasingly grounded sense of realism here to anchor the fantastical turns the story takes, no one suddenly becomes an expert zombie killer and the people here make the same mistakes most of us would when faced with such an extreme situation.
THE DEVIL'S CANDY
Caveat emptor is the message of Sean Byrne's follow-up to The Loved Ones. Or, to put it another way, don't buy properties that seem a bargain because weird and potentially lethal stuff will follow. In this case, struggling artist Jesse (Ethan Embry), wife Astrid (Shiri Appleby) and daughter Zooey (Kara Glasco) have to contend with demonic forces and a former resident whose hobbies are power chords and murdering children.
Apart from the odd moment in which the plot requires certain characters to act like a bit of a dumbass and therefore place either themselves or others in peril, this is a stylish flick with a genuine sense of menace and a fine performance from Pruitt Taylor Vince as the aforementioned former resident.
Naturally, the heavy rock soundtrack is excellent, Embry is as reliably accomplished as ever in the lead and Kara Glasco is the sort of teenager that doesn't make you want to run screaming from the cinema whenever she's around. It's a brash, bold shocker with more than enough diversions from the usual well-trodden ground on which your average possessed property piece is built.
CREEPY
After being seriously injured by a psychopath, experience detective Takakura quits the police force, takes a job lecturing at a University and moves away from the city with his wife, intent on making a fresh start. It's not long, however, before Takakura suspects that one of his neighbours is a killer responsible for a string of unsolved murders.
If you're looking for gallons of gore and multiple murders delivered at a breakneck pace, Creepy is going to frustrate the hell out of you. This is a film which takes its time to unfold (it's 130 minutes long) and its shocks are more or the subtle and unsettling variety. Possibly the pace is too glacial at times and there are some lapses in logic (the main one being of the "I'll go confront this nutter alone" variety) but overall it's quality entertainment for anyone looking for a change of pace.
You'll never look at something vacuum-packed in quite the same way again...
YOGA HOSERS
Eh-2-Zed store clerks - and yoga fanatics - Colleen and Colleen (Lily Rose Depp and Harley Quinn Smith - or Harley Quinn Smith and Lily Rose Depp, depending on which Colleen you referenced first) are set to go to the coolest party in town but instead find themselves minding the shop and having to battle against genetically engineered Nazi bratwursts. As you do on a Friday night.
The second movie of Kevin Smith's True North trilogy has been described as "Clueless meets Critters" and that's not a bad approximation even though it's not as consistent as either of those films. This really does throw all sorts of things into the mix - musical numbers, social media, teen chatter, Nazis, Satanists, constant use of the word "aboot" - and the scattergun approach doesn't always hit the mark.
Having said that, it would be churlish for me to say that it isn't fun, because it is. The story may be all over the place but there are enough laughs to carry it through, Lily Rose Depp is definitely one to watch and Stan Lee gets both a cameo and, for me, the funniest line in the film. Oh, and Natasha Lyonne made her second appearance of the weekend, getting infinitely less down and dirty here than she does in Antibirth.
I AM NOT A SERIAL KILLER
John Cleaver (Max Records) is a sixteen-year-old sociopath who is obsessed with serial killers but keeps his murderous urges at bay with regular therapy sessions and a strict set of rules to which he carefully adheres. When his sleepy town is shaken by a series of grisly killings, John turns amateur sleuth whilst striking up a friendship with elderly neighbour Mr Crowley (Christopher Lloyd)...
Billy O'Brien's film perfectly captures life in a small town and cleverly makes John someone to both suspect and root for. The murders are startlingly bloody, the tone expertly shifts between black comedy and genuine horror and Christopher Lloyd's performance is close to, if not actually being, a career best. He's absolutely astonishing here and the last thing you'll be thinking of is Doc Brown.
It's to Max Records' credit that he makes his character just as interesting as Lloyd's and even if the final twist isn't to everyone taste (the reveal perhaps shows a little too much) the journey to that point is consistently excellent. Hopefully this will get the wider release it deserves because it's a little gem.
THE AUTOPSY OF JANE DOE (CELLULOID SCREAMS SECRET FILM)
Coroner Tommy Tilden (Brian Cox) and his medical technician son Austin (Emile Hirsch) are delivered the body of an unidentified woman and a deadline for discovering exactly how she met her fate. For starters, there isn't a mark on her and as they progress with the autopsy it suddenly becomes clear that something very strange is going on.
André Øvredal's classy exercise in suspense certainly delighted the Celluloid Screams crowd who only discovered its identity as 2016's Secret Film just before it screened.
Discovering the identity of Jane Doe in the movie turns out to be a much bigger challenge and the story grips from the moment the poor girl is wheeled in, carefully and slowly revealing a fascinating "howdunit" via some accurate procedural techniques (I've been reliably informed).
And if that wasn't enough, there are more than enough expertly-crafted thrills and shocks to leave the arms of your chair in need of repair as the suspense ratchets up with every twist and turn. And if that wasn't enough, the double act of Cox and Hirsch is great and newcomer Olwen Kelly leaves a lasting impression as Jane Doe. But doesn't she spend the film dead? Well, yes, but even so...
A smart, tense, intriguing crowd-pleaser which wrings the maximum suspense from its premise without dumbing down in the slightest, this was the perfect way to end the second day. It also went on to win the audience vote for the best film of the festival so congratulations go to Andre Øvredal, his cast and crew for leaving a lasting impression on such a discerning set of viewers.
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