THE DARKNESS

Starring: Kevin Bacon, Radha Mitchell, David Mazouz

Writers: Shayne Armstrong, Shane Krause, Greg McLean

Director: Greg McLean

*** THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS ***

You know how it is. One minute you're enjoying a family holiday in the Grand Canyon, the next you're back home and the place is plagued with all sorts of supernatural occurrences, No? Well, that's what happens to the Taylors in this movie. Top holiday tip? Don't bring back black rocks with symbols on them as their son Mikey (Mazouz) does. Of course, dad Peter (Bacon), mum Bronny (Mitchell) and sister Stephanie (Lucy Fry) have no idea about the black rocks. If they did, it would have been a much shorter movie...

...which might not have been such a bad thing. The Darkness creaks and trundles its way to the hour and a half mark with no sense of energy or urgency. Certainly by the halfway point I was tempted to shout "Get on with it!" at the screen. You shouldn't shout at the screen though, there are rules of cinema etiquette which must be adhered to. So there I was, internally shouting "Get on with it!" at the screen, with no hope that the film would actually get on with it.

There are many things which make this more disappointing than if it had just shown up out of nowhere with no names attached. The director, Greg McLean, knows how to terrify audiences. I loved Wolf Creek and enjoyed its gorier, dafter sequel. Okay, this isn't pitched at the same audience and it's not surprising that there's nothing here which approaches the ferocity of McLean's outback chillers but there are several serviceable set-ups which promise suspense but don't deliver. There are less cheap jump scares than you'd expect in something like this, which is a blessing, but the over-reliance on creeping around dark places in the house becomes humdrum in a very short space of time.

You can't say they've skimped on the acting talent either. Bacon and Mitchell have been great in other horrors (I'm thinking Stir Of Echoes and Pitch Black) and, to be fair, they're far from terrible here but their characters didn't grab me sufficiently to care too much about them beyond hoping that they weren't bumped off by the spirits from beyond. Marital infidelity is one of the sub-plots and this could have been quite interesting but it's ultimately dealt with in such a perfunctory way that I felt the movie was just ticking off things it needed to resolve before the end credits.

The support's none too shabby either. Jennifer Morrison, Matt Walsh, Ming-Na Wen, Paul Reiser (yes, Burke from Aliens) - all present, all given very little to do. Morrison and Walsh are introduced at the beginning as Joy and Gary Carter, friends of the Taylors who also happen to be holidaying with them and then....that's it. Once Bacon and Co. are back home and the weirdness kicks off, that's it for the Carters. You don't see them again. They don't crop up in conversation. The Taylors don't even call the Carters to see if their house has been possessed too. That's more spooky than the black rocks if you ask me.

Come the end you do get a decent dollop of CGI malevolent ghost action as an attempt is made to cleanse the house of its evil but even then this seemed to be a riff on the climax of the original Poltergeist. Yes, it was by far the most enjoyable stretch of The Darkness for me but couldn't overcome the general feeling of "I've seen this before, and I've seen it done better".

I really wanted to enjoy this movie but it's just another tired studio horror flick which is lacking in inspiration and, crucially, scares. The only reason you'd be looking over your shoulder after this one is to make sure someone hadn't stuck a piece of paper on your back saying "Kick me - I paid money to watch The Darkness". Release Greg McLean from the teen-friendly horror shackles and he can definitely bring the fear but this watered-down chiller risks pleasing absolutely no one.

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