MINDLESS (short)

Starring: Nicholas Vince, Kate Danbury
Writer: Katie Bonham
Director: Katie Bonham

Peter (Vince) is a middle-aged man suffering from a form of dementia and his carer Judy (Danbury) arrives at his house each day to find the place in disarray. Framed photographs have been knocked from the shelves and crockery has been smashed. Peter insists that the damage has not been wrought by him but what other explanation could there be? Is Peter a danger to himself or could someone - or something - else be responsible?

That's the intriguing premise of Katie Bonham's assured short film and with a terrific performance from Nicholas Vince you're never quite sure of what's going on behind Peter's eyes. Able to elicit both sympathy and suspicion, he's one of the many aces Mindless has up its sleeve.

Bonham also seems to be able to distort time because although Mindless runs for just eight minutes (including credits) this is an unhurried, atmospheric, involving piece of work. This isn't a thousand miles per hour charge through as many jump scares and gore effects that can be crammed in to the shortest amount of time possible. This is beautifully paced and thoughtful, going for a sense of deep psychological unease where other shorts would be waist deep in blood and entrails.

This approach pays off handsomely. I love it when I'm in the middle of a film and genuinely have no idea what's coming next and Mindless had me itching to find out exactly what the hell was going on. Without giving too much away, the resolution is immensely creepy and satisfying yet still leaves the viewer with plenty to think about long after the end titles have rolled.

Bonham's screenplay also points up the way in which people with dementia are viewed and treated by society but this is woven deftly into the proceedings and you won't feel you're being hit over the head with clumsy social commentary. Quite the opposite in fact - you'll have a lump in your throat as well as a chill down your spine.

The minimal budget is turned into a virtue, putting the focus squarely on the characters which makes us care all the more about them when the story takes an especially disturbing turn. It also makes the shocks that much more deeply felt and in its own subtle way the climax of Mindless is devastating. This isn't a throwaway scare ride, this is something that's going to stay with you.

Proof positive that a) there's a wealth of fabulous British horror movie talent out there and b) there are superb examples of the genre to be found in the short film format, Mindless is a triumph for writer/director Katie Bonham and its lead actor Nicholas Vince. It's already been picked up by a number of festivals and I urge you to catch it if you get the opportunity. I'll be seeing it again at the Celluloid Screams festival in Sheffield and I for one am really looking forward to viewing it with a big audience. I'm sure it's going to go down a storm.

BLAIR WITCH

Starring: James Allen McCune, Callie Hernandez, Corbin Reid
Writer: Simon Barrett
Director: Adam Wingard

After viewing footage which may show the events leading to his sister's disappearance, possibly at the hands of local Burkitsville legend the Blair Witch, James (McCune) and his friends head to those infamous woods in the hope of solving the mystery and locating his long lost sibling...

It would seem to be something of a gamble, artistically if not commercially, to take on another sequel to Blair Witch especially considering the high esteem in which the original is held and with the critical (and audience) mauling given to the second movie Book of Shadows. However, writer Barrett and director Wingard are no strangers to the genre and if anyone was going to make a decent stab at this it's these guys. Even with their previous pedigree (The Guest is a firm favourite of mine), having spent the weekend examining the reaction to this film on social media, it appears that there's not a huge amount of love out there for their latest collaboration.

Me? I'm going to be contrary (what's new?) by saying that I thought it was pretty decent.

Does it work? On the whole I think it does, taking the map of the original movie and using many of its main signposts but amping up the suspense and scares while throwing in a couple of plausible explanations about exactly what the hell was going on all the way back in Myrick and Sanchez's lo-fi, Heather Donahue snot-laced phenomenon. The film doesn't allow itself to get too bogged down in expository dialogue though. It's more concerned with putting its characters through the wringer, progressing from the initial eerie noises in the distance to...ah, but I'm risking giving too much away here.

So, is it scary? That, of course, is a subjective thing but Blair Witch attempts to give the audience both chills and jumps. There's A LOT of jump scares (several being of the "suddenly bumping into one of your camping buddies" variety) for which I don't especially care but I'll admit that these moments delivered the goods judging by the reaction of many of my fellow viewers. For people like me there's plenty of psychological horror going on too, playing on the fact that it's what you don't see which scares you the most.

Once the action really gets going the tension rarely lets up and the last twenty minutes is pretty unrelenting in terms of piling on the terror. Also, I should warn you that if you're claustrophobic there's a sequence about 75 minutes in that's probably going to make you want to leave the cinema. Unlike the original, I think this one benefits from seeing it on a big screen with a willing audience as its frights are more finely tuned to that environment. The Blair Witch Project's more intimate shudders, for me in any case, worked so much better watching it at home and that's probably why it took me a few screenings to appreciate what a fine piece of work it is

So, is Wingard and Barrett's take on Blair Witch "a new beginning for horror films" as is mentioned on the poster? That would be a bold claim to stake on behalf of any film in any genre and this certainly doesn't herald a blindingly original new direction for fright flicks but it does set out to scare and it often succeeds in doing so. Yes, the potential for deeper characterisation is jettisoned in favour of more spooky "things that go bump in the woods" action but would it have benefitted from more dialogue about how the four characters came to be together? Personally, I'm not sure it would have but it's just one of many things about this film that appears to be dividing the opinions of moviegoers everywhere.

At least Wingard isn't concerned with dialling down the shocks in order to make a horror movie with the broadest appeal possible. When Blair Witch is firing on all cylinders its clammy, grimy (literally), taut sequences are thoroughly enjoyable even though you're sinking into your seat. It may over-egg the pudding by giving its audience so little time to breathe, particularly in the last third, but the intent to terrify the living crap out of everyone is clearly there to see.

To recap: I enjoyed it, okay? I know a lot of you didn't. Things would all be so much duller if we were the same. That's my way of saying please don't send me abuse on Twitter...

THE PURGE: ELECTION YEAR

Starring: Frank Grillo, Elizabeth Mitchell, Mykelti Williamson
Writer: James DeMonaco
Director: James DeMonaco

Senator Charlie Roan (Mitchell) has a very good reason for wanting the annual Purge - 12 hours in which all crime, including murder, is legal - to be stopped for good. Eighteen years previously she was the only survivor of a Purge Night incident which wiped out the rest of her family. Now she's campaigning to be President and it looks as if she might actually win, which is not good news for the current pro-Purge establishment. However, the rules for the Purge are about to change and someone on Roan's own team is about to betray her, leaving her a sitting duck for a group of assassins. Of course, someone is standing in the way of the killers, that someone being Roan's gruff, dour Head of Security Leo Barnes (Grillo)...

It does seem that the Purge movies at least try to bring something new to the table with each incarnation even if, like this one, it's not wholly successful. The political angle is an interesting one but the machinations of those in power (or those who want to be in power) is dealt with in such broad strokes that it's ultimately there to service the action-horror shenanigans. But hey, this isn't All The President's Men we're talking about, this is a film in which shoplifters who feel wronged tool up with automatic weaponry and attack the grocery store of the man who made them put back a candy bar they were about to steal.

Said grocery store owner is Joe Dixon, played by Mykelti Williamson in amusing, charming form. Dixon is there as the everyman who just wants to make a decent living while staying as far away from any of that Purge nonsense as possible - so you know he's going to get dragged into it all. He's also there to crack wise with the rather more uptight Barnes and it has to be said that some of their comedy banter, unsophisticated though it may be, raises a few laughs along the way. Williamson's role is the best-written of the piece and it has to be said he's great. Spin-off Purge movie featuring Joe Dixon? Well, you'll have to see if he makes it through this one.

It could be argued that the political leanings of the plot get in the way of the action which gets in the way of the horror which gets in the way of the politics which gets in the way of...you get what I'm saying. Yes, there were points during this where I felt the movie didn't quite know what it wanted to be and if it was aiming to be all things to all viewers then it doesn't reach its goal. However, there are several excellent sequences along the way, including some genuinely creepy post-kill vignettes.

The Purge: Election Year is a film in which the good guys are generally pretty good (Mitchell's character borders on angelic) and the bad guys are extremely bad. Ooh, they're bad. Punching babies in the face bad. That bad. You only have to view an early sequence in which the assorted bigwigs of the establishment meet to plot Senator Roan's unfortunate Purge-related downfall. Raymond J. Barry, always a fabulous choice for a corporate or government bad guy, shows just what a reprehensible bloke his character is by calling lovely Elizabeth Mitchell the c-word. Twice. In just a few seconds. Disgraceful.

We're on that kind of ground here. It's somewhat cartoony and there's no question who you're going to root for here (and if you are rooting for the bad guys, I think you're just being contrary for the sake of it). That doesn't necessarily make it a terrible evening out. In fact, TP: EA makes for solid, well-made, occasionally inspired thrills and although I'm not crying out for a fourth Purge outing I wouldn't be opposed to it especially if they threw a few new plot elements into the mix.

MORGAN

Starring: Kate Mara, Anya Taylor-Joy, Rose Leslie
Writer: Seth Owen
Director: Luke Scott

After a violent incident at a remote research facility involving the artificially created Morgan (Taylor-Joy), company risk management consultant Lee Weathers (Mara) is assigned to investigate the events and come to a decision whether or not to terminate the project - and its subject...

Director Luke Scott is Ridley Scott's son and there's certainly enough in terms of style to this sci-fi thriller to prove that he's something of a chip off the old block (sorry to Ridley Scott for calling him an old block). Unfortunately what he doesn't have is a script to match and the odd potential spark in the proceedings is usually dampened by either clichéd plotting or cumbersome dialogue or both.

A previous catastrophe is referenced - far too often - using variations of the line "We don't want another Helsinki". What happened in Helsinki, or in the project codenamed Helsinki, was obviously very bad and no one wants another Helsinki. The team of scientists working with Morgan tell Weathers and each other this A LOT. I'm tempted to use this in real life, e.g. "I wouldn't try rewiring that. We don't want another Helsinki".

I wished I liked this more because it's anchored by a trio of strong performances from Mara, Taylor-Joy and Leslie and it's the female characters who drive the story along, nicely subverting the usual stereotypes such as the hunky nutritionist who also happens to be an experienced hunter and a crack shot with a rifle. He gets much less involved in the action than you'd expect and from minute one corporate troubleshooter Mara isn't really going to take any of his shit. Which is a really enjoyable thing.

Taylor-Joy, following up her excellent work in The Witch (which you should see if you already haven't), proves that she's rapidly becoming the go-to actress when you're looking for a performance that's slightly off-kilter in a way you can't quite fathom. Here Morgan is a genetically-engineered five-year-old who may be acting strangely because she/it can't understand her/its place in the world or it may all be down to the fact that the DNA jiggery-pokery hasn't quite achieved its aims and has created, to all intents and purposes, a murderous psychopath.

To be fair to the flick it plays off both of these options (and all shades in between) with some degree of success but it just takes too long to get to the meat of the plot and the first half in particular is mired in having the characters reel off clunky expository dialogue about how they got there or what their role is within the facility. The second half ups the ante in terms of tension and action but you might be checking your watch some time before things finally heat up.

Come the end, there's something of a twist which, depending on your ability to see when and where the rug is about to be pulled from under your feet, will either startle or have you nodding in acknowledgement of your acumen in spotting that type of thing a mile off. Either way, it's pleasing that the resolution isn't totally of the join the dots type, although it's hardly a game-changer either. Like so much of this film, it's okay when it should be thrilling, or shocking, or....well, just anything other than okay. Bonus Bryce Dallas Howard points, however, for Kate Mara's climb up a sheer face in killer heels.

MECHANIC: RESURRECTION

Starring: Jason Statham, Jessica Alba, Tommy Lee Jones
Writers: Philip Shelby, Tony Mosher
Director: Dennis Gansel

Professional assassin Arthur Bishop (Statham) is dead. Or that's what he'd like everyone to think in any case. Unfortunately, an old acquaintance of his tracks him down and makes him an offer he can't refuse: take out three high-profile targets and make every hit look like an accident. If Bishop doesn't succeed, his new girlfriend Gina (Alba) is going to end up dead. And that's properly dead, not pretend dead like Bishop...

Mechanic: Resurrection reminded me of a straight to video action thriller I'd have happily hired in the late 1980s had I seen it sitting on the shelves of the rental shop. Regardless of the fact that this is a 2016 film it shares a certain amount of DNA with those grainy VHS guns and explosions flicks I popped into the player of a Friday evening many, many years ago. It has a bigger budget and CGI effects but that doesn't mean it looks any more convincing than an Italian post-apocalyptic Mad Max rip-off filmed entirely in a quarry.

For starters, most of the dialogue is terrible and everyone, but everyone, gets to take their turn on the Clunky Script-O-Wheel. Some pull off their awful lines with aplomb - I'm looking at you, Tommy Lee Jones, by far the best thing in this and a load of other movies, you may have what amounts to little more an extended cameo in M:R but you're easily the most memorable thing about it.

In the middle ground, struggling manfully (and womanfully) with their lines are Statham and Alba. Their opening act meeting and subsequent romantic entanglement is, how shall I put it, awkward. They don't especially convince as a couple which makes the ensuing carnage less easy to get on board with. Well, it does for people who don't really watch this kind of movie anyway. For me, it was just a question of getting through the first twenty-five minutes of turgid set-up and giving The Stath a reason to thump and shoot his way through scores of bad guys which is really the reason for this movie existing.

And you do get quite a lot of bad guys being thumped or shot (or thumped and then shot) for your buck. If you're expecting the connecting tissue of this movie to be complex and nuanced then you are in for something of a disappointment. This is 99 minutes of almost unrelenting dumbness, pausing only to explain the cleverness of the assassinations, then realising they're not all that clever and then pointing to somewhere else and saying "Look, another fight scene!".

That's not to say I wasn't entertained by the Mechanic's resurrection. It may be absolutely ridiculous from start to finish, it may have a bad guy who could have taken his enemies out without having to hire Bishop (which also forces him to contoct a needlessly convoluted kidnap plot), it may have henchmen who give The Stath a crucial couple of seconds' grace instead of just shooting at him straight away but do you know what? It's quite a bit of fun when it comes down to it. It may be a bad movie but it's a good bad movie. Sit down with a roomful of mates, crack open a few beers and I'm willing to bet you'll think this movie is a hoot.

Just quickly going back to the Clunky Script-O-Wheel again, the guy who comes off the worst just happens to be Crain, the Big Bad of the movie played by Sam Hazeldine. The stuff poor Sam has to say makes him seem neither very threatening nor very smart and the anticipated climactic face-off between Crain and Bishop is never a particularly enticing prospect because you're almost certain that Bishop is going to take about two seconds to beat the living crap out of his nemesis. Still, Crain seems to have a never-ending supply of thugs for hire so maybe his tactics are to just put as many of those in Bishop's way as possible - which means there's usually a scrap no more than ten minutes away.

If your brain accidentally engages during Mechanic: Resurrection you're probably going to hate it so make sure it's switched off for the duration (don't even leave it on standby). There's so much about it that's thuddingly awful and yet it has a goofy, clumsy charm that somehow keeps you with it. By the time you leave the cinema you'll have forgotten it and I get the feeling this film wouldn't have it any other way. For prime Stath, however, you can't go far wrong by revisiting the Transporter movies.

Oh, one last thing though. Casting Michelle Yeoh and then having her kick no ass at all? That's a crime worthy of sending Arthur Bishop after the guys responsible.




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DAVID BRENT: LIFE ON THE ROAD

Starring: Ricky Gervais, Jo Hartley, Doc Brown
Writer: Ricky Gervais
Director: Ricky Gervais

A long time after gaining some degree of fame from fly-on-the-wall documentary The Office, David Brent is back. This time he's about to take a break from his current job as a sales rep to go touring with his band Foregone Conclusion, hoping that their live performances will lead to a record deal...

Anyone who's seen The Office (and there must be quite a lot of you out there) will find themselves on familiar territory here and if you're expecting to chuckle and cringe in equal measure that's exactly what David Brent's latest outing delivers. You may very well be watching whole scenes through your fingers, it gets that uncomfortable in places.

If this type of humour doesn't float your boat then Life On The Road isn't going to convert you. It doesn't exactly break any new ground and if you were irritated by The Brentmeister before then you're going to be just as irritated, if not more, by him now. Of course, if Gervais' comic creation hits your particular spot chances are you're going to find plenty to amuse and entertain.

Personally, I'm a huge fan of The Office and I have to admit that I actually laughed until I cried during one excruciating sequence featuring a song about "the handicapped" which is a prime example of Brent trying so hard to be politically correct that he misses the point entirely and concocts a set of lyrics that manages to offend pretty much everybody.

As the movie progresses it does throw in more and more appeals to the audience's sympathy and to be honest, it does have a point when it suggests that Brent is actually a decent bloke underneath it all. He just tries too hard - way too hard - to be liked and he believes that he has to entertain people constantly. Yes, he does behave like a monumental pillock a lot of the time but there are moments where it's difficult not to feel sorry for him and by the end I was hoping that somehow his disaster-filled tour would close in inexplicably successful fashion.

So, in the final analysis, does one of Berkshire's most famous (if fictitous) sons deserve another outing? On balance, I'd certainly say yes. Life On The Road doesn't quite match up to the very best episodes of The Office, perhaps because Gervais isn't surrounded by the familiar faces of the Wernham Hogg set-up, but it hits most of the right notes and is often quite sweet. When you're not clenching up and wishing that Brent would just stop talking instead of digging himself into a deeper and more embarrassing hole.

And speaking of embarrassing holes....nah, I'm not going to go all Brent.

GHOSTBUSTERS

Starring: Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Leslie Jones, Kate McKinnon

Writers: Katie Dippold, Paul Feig

Director: Paul Feig

So here it is, the movie which has already been accused of ruining childhoods and destroying a generation's memories of a timeless classic. Apparently this movie is currently causing the gradual breakdown of society and will ultimately trigger the Apocalypse so before we all burn in the fires of Hell I should probably get on with writing a review of this.

Dr. Erin Gilbert (Wiig) is trying to downplay her paranormal past in order to achieve tenure at Columbia University but that's difficult when her ex-colleague Abby Yates (McCarthy) is hawking the book they co-authored years ago. Heading over to Abby's workplace in order to advise her not to continue dredging up their ancient tome, Erin finds herself joining Abby and her new lab partner Jillian Holtzmann (McKinnon) on a trip to a supposedly haunted mansion. Will they discover the existence of ghosts and throw themselves into combatting the spectral menace? Nope, there are no ghosts and the film ends. Come on, of course there are ghosts. The hint's in the title.

As someone who loves (and I mean LOVES) the Ivan Reitman original then maybe I should invoke the spirit of a wronged fanboy and denounce this film as being the spawn of Satan but I can't quite see why a 2016 variation with an all-female Ghostbusters team should in any way tarnish my affection for Venkmann, Stantz, Spengler, Zeddemore et al. Hey, I thoroughly disliked the Point Break remake but it didn't even come close to shattering my fond memories of the Swayze/Reeves incarnation.

In fact, where was the vehement, unrelenting dislike for that remake? I must have missed that meeting. If I didn't know better I'd be tempted to think that the vitriol directed at Ghostbusters was because - shock horror - it's centred on four women who get to crack wise and kick ass and generally save the day without screaming and fainting and waiting for a bloke to turn up and sort it all out. Still, that surely isn't the case because people out there can't be such misogynistic dicks, right?

I also don't understand the argument that women can't be funny. If someone doesn't find a particular person funny, be that person male or female, that's fair enough but to say that all women aren't funny? Really? Well, I laughed at all four distinctly non-male ghoul chasers in this movie and although Wiig and McCarthy have their fair share of amusing lines their characters provide the bedrock upon which the movie is built, generously allowing Jones and McKinnon to grab the biggest laughs in the piece.

Jones' sassy, no-nonsense ex-subway worker is a fine everywoman counterpoint to the scientific babble being spouted by her more science-based colleagues, chiefly McKinnon as nuclear physics expert Holtzmann who is surely one of the greatest nerd creations in the history of cinema. Arguably there's a hint of Egon Spengler about her but Holtzmann is a fully-rounded character, smart without being smart-arsed, quirky without being annoying, kicking serious phantom butt with an ever-more snazzy array of weaponry. McKinnon is, simply put, adorable.

For anyone who thinks any movie which passes the Bechdel Test is destined to be a worthy, joyless plod, firstly: are you kidding me? Secondly, rest easy. The new Ghostbusters boasts plenty of laughs, a few well-timed chills (yeah, they're multiplex-friendly chills but chills nonetheless) and several entertaining action set-pieces. The supporting cast adds to the general air of fun, so you get performers such as Andy Garcia as a Mayor who doesn't take at all kindly to comparisons with his counterpart from a certain 70s movie and Chris Hemsworth as Kevin, the team's hunky but unrelentingly dim secretary.

Then there are the cameos from....actually, I won't say who appears, that would spoil some of the fun. All I will say is that they're sprinkled throughout the movie, including midway through the end credits so don't get up as soon as the end titles start to roll. Arguably there may be slightly too many nods to the original but some of them aren't immediately obvious and there's not so many of them that they get in the way of the updated story.

Speaking of Hemsworth, his character doesn't spend the movie being fought over by the Ghostbusters to see who can date him first. It's clear that Erin takes a shine to Kevin from the get-go but this doesn't form the romantic subplot you'd find in countless other movies because there are other concerns to deal with, such as preventing the Fourth Cataclysm from occurring. Trust me, the Fourth Cataclysm is not good. If it happens, any notion of romance you may have previously had is pretty much null and void.

You may have already taken against this movie because you loved the source material so much, you may have taken against this movie because you're just a big sexist dork. I can't force you into a cinema to watch this and I wouldn't want to. If you want to spend the rest of your life being a whiny, entitled arsehole that's your business entirely. That's kind of a shame because if you approached this film with a clear head then you might just find Ghostbusters a warm, funny, charming experience.

After all of this, if you're still dead set against a bunch of ladies who ain't afraid of no ghost (I know it's a double negative, take it up with Ray Parker Jr. if you have a problem with that), allow me to enrage you further by revealing that the post-credits sequence not only sets up a sequel but sets up one that will probably take the world's biggest dump over the blissful reverie of your youth even more. Who you gonna call about that one?